Walking Blind

Originally written March 28, 2010.

Blind, walking this road I am
here lost. No meaning to my name,
I am just another soul.
What am I suppose to do now?
I feel to keep pushing and see
the good but only the bad has
found me.

Lost without all meaning I run.
what is the purpose of this life?
It is destroying me, tearing me
limb from limb. This beast I have
created has finally won me over.
I am here lost with who I am.

Gone of this life forever,
will I find my soul?
eating me inside I am gone.

I feel there is something greater
but I lost it without all meaning.

It is hard to find a true life
when everyone is keeping me down.

Heartless

Originally written November 6, 2010



To the darkness your shadow walks; Head down with no ambitions in mind, sitting here watching you fail.
You think you are better than this, but you are not.
You're nothing but a destoryer to yourself destined to make you fail.

Thoughts blown in the wind, your soul is lost forever.
The darkness rises upon you, and you have nothing.
Left to die; you are alone.

Your heart breaks.
Heart torn, shattered like a window, the fine grains blowing
different directions, never to be found.

All you are, all who you have become is gone.
Without warning, you are left with nothing.

Your shadow falls back, deeper and deeper into an abyss, into a great unknown.
Never to climb out your shadow is gone.
Forever with your heart it will not return.

Falling out of everything you've known, your thoughts become vein.
You hope for light, but it doesn't come.
You're hope lost.... you are gone.

Broken

Originally written December 2, 2010.


These memories will never fade.  All the hurt an this pain will never go away.  I was left standing there blind forgetting what was there.  I still taste the coal on my lips.  I will never forget what we had.  These memories will never fade.  They will stay the same.  Having everything and with one mistake you are gone.  I miss you sincerely, and yet I gave it all up just to be happy. The taste of coal reminds me of the scars that will remain when I lost you.

Pursuing Happiness

Originally posted on April 16, 2010. 

So I am not sure what you are going to exactly think of this one but here we go...

This evening I was in a conversation with a friend, on we were talking about some things and then she told me" I deserve happiness too." My responce was" Happyiness is something you yourself persue. its on the person themself to find their own happiness" and that is what caused this.

 Ben Franklin once said "We have the right to pursue happiness." 

Happiness is definetly something we must pursue and then when we think we found the happiness we need to think "is this something that is going to make me happy or is just a temporary?".

Kids, teenagers mostly, now days think every little thing makes them so happy. I think we forget to take the time and actually pursue what makes us happy. We let things walk into us and we follow the crowd and think it is what makes us happy. Have you stopped to think that doing this may get you no where in the future? Letting people run your life can lead to sure destruction. 

I encourage you to take the time, grow up and let what you do cause YOUR happiness. Happiness is something you have to find. Yes sometimes something good can walk into your life and you can be happy, take the time to look what brought them there.. Do you see it's because of a choice you made?

I know that for some people based off their backgrounds, where they come from and who they are, it is hard to find happiness on your own. If you can please trust me on this.. It may take awhile for you to find it when you make the choice on your own, or it may just come right to you, but it is worth the time to live life on your own and find what makes you happy and not following the crowds and following what makes them happy. 

Again reverting back to following the crowds.. Yes you may fight in but it's because they made you to fit in with them, they made you to like what they like. What makes them happy makes you happy. I encourage you to stand out from that crowd and follow what will make YOU, not the person they created, but will make you happy. You will be suprised that when you take the step to walk out on that ledge and see the world what makes you happy.

This one was hard for me to write. I have struggled in life to find what makes me happy only because for so long I was one of those who tried fitting in with a crowd. Standing out on my own has made me who I am now. I am finally sarting what makes me happy without someone else or my group guiding me to what they think might make me happy. I write this to encourage those who try to stick IN the crowds to stand OUT. Standing in the crowds is not pursuing happiness and I think its wrong we let others show us what they think might work for us. 

I know this is not my greatest work so far. I just thought I would let some more out looks on life out. Please let me know what you think and any ideas for future writings. Thanks

The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness.  You have to catch it yourself.  ~Benjamin Franklin

Everlasting Love

with every breath, with you at my side, how can i fail?
you are my every breath, and my every though.
every moment without you is another moment i miss.
will we let these days last forever?
you're my every reason to keep moving forward.
you are always there since the start,
can we really be meant to be?
i wish these days would slow down and last eternity.
with you in my arms my heart beats.
i only ask for your everlasting love and you stay true to my heart.

Just A Heart of Stone.

I'm so afraid. I can't hold on this time. That's why I have to write this. Just to let you know that you are everything I dreamed.It's hard for me to settle sometimes, but you have made me a better man. You have opened my eyes to something so great. For once, can we just pretend that everything is okay? Can we pretend that we are happy again? You have breathed hope into my life. I need you. I have tried so hard to become a better man, but I have failed you so many times, that maybe enough could finally be the end. 

I was broken for so long, but you made this stone in my chest start to beat. A feeling I have never felt before has felt so great. 

With the way things have been I feel as if I am turning back into stone. To just another creature just walking trying to find his way in this world. At some point I am going to fall apart. All stone breaks, and you have left me breaking. 

I am becoming just another memory to you. What will you remember of me? Do you remember how happy you once were? Do you remember the beat of your heart that skipped with that spark?

My Dearest Love

I can’t take another night without you. My knees are weak, my heart is failing. Knowing I am losing you leaves me broken. I shed my tears just one last time as I am growing weary. Will we ever be one again? My heart is weak and my eyes are dry. Is it time for me to just fly away? I can’t seem to focus on reality. I can’t think of anything, but you.

Sinking deeper into an abyss my heart feels long gone. You have torn my heart and walked away with it. Never knowing if I will get my heart back. The gentle touch of your hug, of your kiss tells me to never let you go. The softness in your eyes tells me that you never want to leave. The softness in your voice is something I will never forget, when I am lost. You’re the person that understands me. Your voice became my safe haven, my home. Now gone into a great unknown; I fear that I will never feel this again.

I could get lost in every thought of you. Remember the soft touch of your hands, and the calming feeling of your skin. That is what makes me feel at home. I will forever love you. When I look into your eyes, I get lost into your beauty; to this day I have not returned.

I screwed up and I know that. I regret every moment since. You had me in the palm of your hand, and carried me gently along. Ever so swift we walked side by side as one. I find myself these days feeling alone. I fear that you are gone, and never to return.

My last thought is that I know I love you with all my heart, and I will always be in love with you, whether you feel the same or not. My heart remains true to you, my love. I still believe in you, and us. 

Torn To Nothing.

When you walked away you took the only part of me that mattered.

Now all I have left is an empty rib cage; filled with nothing but a black hole.

I loved you, I trusted you and you walk off with my life in your hands

and you never knew I exsisted.

You won't even notice me walking away because you are too caught up in lies from

which bellow beneath your rotting flesh.

Torn from a life I had always known; I am reduced to nothing.

Torn back from a stupid misconception

Untitled thought

I have dropped to my knees,

catching every breath in my throat as I try to grasp the wonder before me.

This same setting has left me haunted in my dreams.

I have spent countless nights exploring it in my sleep.

I was compelled to find it.

Fighting with Addictions

Last night I was listening t the song Stitches by Haste The Day before I went to bed. If you have ever seen the music video you would understand that it is about folks struggling with addictions which I am sure we all are to one point or anotherThe funny thing about an addiction is that it can be something as simple as whiting your finger nails because you are nervous. 

Anyhow back to where I was getting at. In this songs video you see a man struggling with a droning problem. You see a man struggling with drug addiction. The moral I think of this song is that we just need to figure out that we are sort more than our addictions. The song states " You're worth more than this." Sadly many of us get caught into these addictions and let the over take us. We let them control who we are and how we act. As an example from my personal life: I am a smoker. I have smoked cigarette since I was 14 years old. That's 10 years for me. That's 10 years I have let something control my life and my mood. We all know people who smoke use cigarettes as a vice. We use them when we are stressed or simply just want time alone to think. 
I will be the first to admit that they are controlling my life. My attitude. If I don't smoke every so often then I do have a temper. 

I have been addicted to many things myself. I have use things to get throug life. I was addicted to drinking for 3 years because sadly when I was drinking every one thought I was a nicer person. Everyone wanted to be around me, and I let that control my life as well.
I eventually quit drinking on my own. No help. No AA. Just finally realized I was worth more than what I let people think of me and I didn't want it to define me.
I had been addicted to pain pills for a long time. Some who know each now that I have a messed up knee. I got addicted to OxyContin, Percocet, and morphine pills.I let these control me as well. No one ever wants to do anything while they are in pain.

To say at least, I have been addicted to more things, and I let them go. I know my life's worth more than addiction. I know that what we say or what we do is eventually who we become. I honestly fear people who cannot break addiction, because they let other thngs control them other than learning to think for themselves.  
The reason I wrote this is to say you are worth more than what controls you. You can always overcome addictions if you are willing. Yes, some may need help, but do NOT let that take its place. Do NOT let that beome your new addiction. Yes, it sucks to be in pain from withdrawals and yes its hard to finally let go, but let me tell you one thing. You are worth it. Don't let it control who you are to become.  Go to G-d an pray for his guidance and help.